Erin Wooddell
Every so often, I have a day (or a week) where my innate clumsiness comes out to play. When that happens, look out world—Erin is about to be a bull in a china shop! Whatever can be broken will probably break, whatever can be spilled, will probably spill. I’ll most likely end this period of time with numerous bruises and stains I can’t account for. My grandma calls it “the dropsies.” I was greatly inflicted with this condition as a child, and slightly less so as an adult. Still, it happens more often than you’d think.
Last week was one of those weeks. My dad told me I had the full moon to thank for my clumsiness. I rolled my eyes and thought, “Yeah, OK Dad,” until I kept knocking over the saltshaker. Repeatedly. For days. Did this mean something!? In case he was right and wives' tales and superstitions had some bearing on the situation, I decided to cover my bases. By the end of the week I'd thrown an awful lot of salt over my shoulder.
Every so often, I have a day (or a week) where my innate clumsiness comes out to play. When that happens, look out world—Erin is about to be a bull in a china shop! Whatever can be broken will probably break, whatever can be spilled, will probably spill. I’ll most likely end this period of time with numerous bruises and stains I can’t account for. My grandma calls it “the dropsies.” I was greatly inflicted with this condition as a child, and slightly less so as an adult. Still, it happens more often than you’d think.
Last week was one of those weeks. My dad told me I had the full moon to thank for my clumsiness. I rolled my eyes and thought, “Yeah, OK Dad,” until I kept knocking over the saltshaker. Repeatedly. For days. Did this mean something!? In case he was right and wives' tales and superstitions had some bearing on the situation, I decided to cover my bases. By the end of the week I'd thrown an awful lot of salt over my shoulder.
It all started last Monday morning, when I was running late for work. I sped by the dining room table (aka my catchall table) to pick up my keys and head out the door. Or, at least, that was my intention. I reached and my inertia (I’m guessing) put a little more force behind my arm than originally planned. In the next instant, I not only managed to grab my keys, but my arm continued to move, running directly into a vase full of beautiful flowers. (Beautiful, real flowers, sitting in water.) The vase tipped over and water ran everywhere. All over the small pile of mail on my table, my placemats, my work bag.
Did I mention I was already late for work?
As the week continued, this trend became a regular occurrence.
Did I mention I was already late for work?
As the week continued, this trend became a regular occurrence.
- While baking cookies, a raw egg rolled off a plate, exploding on the floor.
- After measuring oats for the cookies, I had a body-shaking sneeze that caused the cup of oats to go everywhere.
- I poured a glass of milk to drink with those cookies and proceeded to spill it all over my coffee table and carpet because, somehow, I couldn’t seem to grab the glass correctly.
- In the shower I dropped a can of shaving cream—on the pump side, of course—and the cream shot out and covered 1/3 of the main shower wall, leaving a permanent ding in the bathtub.
- As I was turning out the light for bed, I knocked over a glass of water on my nightstand, drenching a beloved book.
- Oh, and I knocked over the vase of flowers again on Wednesday.
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(This ribbon-twirling elephant is infinitely more coordinated than was last week.)
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Halfway through the week, I began thinking of helpful tips to remember when going through extremely clumsy times, and I decided to share the following:
- Only drink water. Liquid stains and spills will be far less upsetting when it’s only water going everywhere, and not milk that spoils or other drinks that can stain.
- Keep your computer, phone and other valuable electronics far away from all liquid.
- Don’t try baking. Too many ingredients. Too many things can go wrong. Just eat already-made baked goods or beg kind and generous friends to bake for you.
- Cook simple meals. And make sure to organize your kitchen workspace before beginning so that you’re not cramped and things don’t spill simply because you didn’t take the time to make room for everything.
- At work, put lids on all your drinks. Keep them off your desk, if possible, and definitely away from your computer.
Yes, these tips are glaringly obvious, but when you’re in the throws of a clumsy week, sometimes the simple fixes don’t cross your mind.
Hopefully next time I get "the dropsies," I'll remember my own advice and kick clumsiness to the curb the way this baby elephant kicks a tetherball. (He means business.) |
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